Mirror Me

Dearest Daniel

Nothing is the same any more as we could never return to the life that we shared with you. Not the house, not the things inside the house, not the town where we lived. The memories and obvious awareness that you are not with us any more were too painful to bear.

Part of this painful process was to pack up our house and when this photo was taken. On a whim I took my mobile phone and to capture the moment, a brief distraction from my sad task at hand. I enjoyed the outcome of this picture – a little smile between the tears of letting go.

First I shared the image with my friend who always enjoys my mirror pictures and later I put it on my Facebook page as my profile picture.

Your mom going faceless on Facebook but at least with the updated status of

“Alison is….the girl in the mirror”

as I am long past the time of being a girl it should actually have been

“Alison is...the woman in the mirror”

and for sure it could have said

“Alison is… the grieving mother with a broken heart"

and I know what you would have said - your words would have been

“Alison is….my Mamma”

but unlike the changing status updates on Facebook, I am and will always be your mom and that is why this photo is now here. For you. As a gift of love, of course :-)

My dearest Pikkewyntjie child
you are here in the wind and
the sea and the mountains
in the air that I breathe
in my dreams
in my heart

I kiss you sweet face and
give you my love
from your
mamma