If I look back at the Last year and a bit, the time that started after I lost Daniel, I see so many wonderful things that came to me. I see how God gave me all these blessing to make life easier and as good as it could possibly get.
The letter is from me to someone whom I first met as a fellow blogger around the middle of last year. From the beginning his friendship has been a source of strength and support and I felt immensely sad and helpless when he recently lost his son, as suddenly and unexpected as I lost Daniel.
Dearest Friend
I hope you are as well as you possibly can be so shortly after your loss. If I think back to how I felt a year ago, I relive the intensity of complex emotions and unanswered questions. I wish there was more that I could do to ease your pain but to be your friend.
When I think of Daniel, I have so many thoughts and feelings but among them are two things that I now with my entire being, heart, mind and soul and that is that Daniel is safe and happy where he is now and that I will definitely see him again. I also believe this to be true for your son and for you.
I wish you strength and peace. You are an amazing person and I know you will conquer your pain but it takes time. This is not a quick or easy journey and don't push yourself to remember if you are not ready for the memories.
It took me a year before I could look for the first time at one of the few small video clips I have of Daniel and I still have a brown paper bag in my cupboard which I haven't open. It came from the hospital where Daniel was taken to after he had drowned. When I arrived there he was naked under a sheet and the clothes he had one were put in a bag. I still don't have the heart to know what he was wearing when he died.
There is no time limit on how and when we open ourselves to all that encompass the loss of our children. When we are personally ready and strong enough to face each memory, we will. It can be today, tomorrow or never. There is no right or wrong. And my only advise to any grieving parent is to do what you feel are best for you. I have seen how unique we are in our mourning. Just be as good and as kind to yourself as you can be.
I keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
Love, Alison
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2 comments:
Alison, your words are so sad, but yet you are such an amazingly strong women. I can`t even comprehend to what you went through after losing your beautiful angel child. When I read your post above, I feel such intense pain, it feels like my heart wants to stop beating. All, I can say, is that God is really working in your life, and you are so brave. x
Alison, thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving your thoughtful comments. It has taken me a while to have the courage to respond. Your blog is so full of sensitivity, kindness, pain, grief. Each post just chokes me with the sense of the utterly unbearable, senseless anguish that you live with, and yet you still live and write with courage, generosity, hope. Grace and strength to you, gentle woman.
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