Fussy Eater

Eating was definately not one of Daniel's favourite activities.

The photo was taken the first day that Daniel was introduced to solid foods. Not impressed, and that never changed :-)

Daniel didn't eat broken food - not a biscuit that was chipped, not a saugage broken in two, not an apple or fruit cut into pieces.

Daniel also didn't eat mixed food like macaroni and cheece, pizza or spaghetti and mince. He only eat plain food and only one type of food at a time in his plate.

I remember the first lunch box I packed to school: Dry pieces of toast, not even butter with boiled egg whites and an apple to be peeled whole.

The list below is from an email I sent to Daniel's dad to let him know what food to give to Daniel, the food that he ate, only this.

Apple, peeled whole
Strawberries
Watermelon
Banana (sometimes)
Grapes
Any other fresh fruit is worth a try

Fish fingers

Chicken
Viennas (most of the times)
Dry wors
Boerewors
Hamburger patties

Scrambled eggs
Boiled egg whites

2 Min noodles (chicken flavour)
Dry toast (toasted light, no butter, crusts cut off)

Marmite or peanut butter bread (not sandwiched, crusts cut off)
French toast

Cheese (grated)
Yoghurt

The last item that should be added to this list is calamari rings. We went to a restaurant about a week before Daniel died and he discovered that he could eat octopus feet! He liked the idea and we liked it that Daniel ate anything other than drinking a pink milkshake.

My lovely child, I miss him more than word can say and my heart pains every time I see calamari rings on a menu.

Mountains

Daniel's idea of drawing pictures was that he would dictate what object needs to be drawn and someone else must then draw the picture. He was also not a child that would change his mind about his ideas, so I have very few pictures that Daniel made himself.

Apart from one self portrait (which is a story for another day) and the "again again spider" he only liked to draw mountains, that was if I could get him so far to be the artist and not the director :-)

The picture above is of mountains, done by Daniel on 13 March 2008 and the photo below is of Cape Town and Table Mountain.

I am sad that I will never have files full of Daniel's art work and I am sad the he never had the change to go up Table Mountain..."in sky".

Daniel was fascinated by things that were in the sky or that could go up in the sky. When he undressed he would kick of his pants and underpants so that it could fly all over the room..."in sky" and when he played with a ball it always had to be kicked up high, higher as high as it could get.

I miss my lovely child and treasure the sweet memories.

I dreaded my first Mother's Day without Daniel and with Henry and Alecia now living with their father 1400km away from me but it turned out to be a beautiful day.

Thank you so much to my friends Wehrner, Tina and their 2 lovely children Kyala and Colin. It was a sunny day, clear skies and just enough wind for me to hear Daniel's voice. We met at the foot of Table Mountain, took the cable car to the top where we walked, had picnic, admired the stunning views and just talked and laughed.

The made me feel special and welcome, surrounded by love...I even received a Mothers Day card from the children, together with a hand written invitation made by Kyala to come visit again soon.

I am blessed to have people like them in my life.

The Little Schoolhouse

I was a work from home mom until Daniel was 3 and a half and ready to go to nursery school. He was getting bored at home and wanted friends of his own age to play and interact with. My search for the perfect nursery school and a perfect 3 year old nursery school teacher began. I searched the internet, asked friends of friends of friends for input and recommendations. I even spoke to strangers with small children finding out where their children went to school.

Armed with a list of nursery schools and addresses I drove to every possible school to find the best for Daniel. Some received a big "no" straight away, some a "maybe" but the big "yes this is what I want for my Daniel" came the day I went to check out The Little Schoolhouse. I was immediately impressed by their good security regulations, fully walled premises, double gates with intercom and video surveillance. Non parents were only allowed entrance by appointment. As a parent I can today confirm that at The Little School House safety of the children is an all inclusive non compromising priority.

A school where I knew my child would be safe and when I met Ezelle, the school principal and she showed me the school I also knew that my child would be happy there. At The Little Schoolhouse in Rustenburg the energy is warm, caring and understanding and they take so much care to ensure emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical growth and well being of the precious little human beings left in their care.

My next concern was about the person who would be Daniel's first teacher –how could I dream at the time that Teacher Elize would also be Daniel's last and only teacher in what turned out to be his short sweet life. Teacher Elize is a wonderful person and I will never forget her love and understanding for a unique boy who has never gone to school before.

Daniel loved his school and his Teacher Elize big time and who will ever forget how he wore his school T-shirt day and night just after I bought it for him. He insisted the Teacher Elize bought it for him and I was so glad that I had the wisdom to buy 2 blue Little Schoolhouse shirts.

Daniel also adored his friends, he called them his Noddy fwends....and we played an imaginary hide and seek game with them every morning when we arrived at the school. "Where are they? Up in the tree? No? In the class? No? Watching TV? Yes!!!" He made sure that I knew to invite them ALL for his 4th birthday party coming up.

The birthday that he would never reach and a new year at school that he would never start. He drowned the day before he would have gone back to school after the December holidays.

To: Ezelle, Jaconette, Teacher Elize and all the other teachers, staff, parents and friends from The Little Schoolhouse,

Thank you so so much from me and from Daniel for:

• coming to his funeral
  
• the happy time you gave to Daniel
  
• caring about Daniel as if he was your own
  
• Teacher Elize for my beautiful CD that I still play in my car
  
• all the tears that has flown from your hearts after losing Daniel
  
• allowing me to sit in his Noddy class and follow his small footsteps
  
• letting me feel welcome to come back to his school after he had died
  
• every little friend who missed Daniel and asked when was coming back
  
• all the parents who prayed for me and who still keep us in their thoughts and hearts.
  

How sad that we were all deprived from the pleasure of having Daniel with us; his wisdom, personality, intelligence, sweetness and love. I miss it every day. I know you do to.

Alison

Dream Keeper

Bring me all of your dreams,
You dreamers,
Bring me all of your
Heart melodies
That I may wrap them
In a blue-cloud cloth
Away from the too-rough fingers
Of the world.

-Author Unknown-

Disillusion

Dearest Daniel

I dreamed last night that it was time for you to come home - that I should call your father to tell him that he must give you back to me now. It is going onto 5 months since I have left you healthy and beautiful as ever in his care and he had you for long enough.

I woke up disillusioned, crying and sad because your father will never give you back. He has taken your life from you and he has taken you away from me, Henry and Alecia.

I am so sorry, my angel child. I miss you so much and I kiss you with all the love a mother's heart can hold.

Mamma

Poem For Daniel

Two months after Daniel had died I was lost in a strange city, without a home, too broken to find my way, too sad to care about life and that is how my wonderful foster family found me. We had lost contact 16 years before but when I contacted the youngest of the 3 sisters Helé through Facebook they opened their house and their hearts to me, without doubt or hesitation.

I was welcomed into their world as part of the family and they cried with me holding my hand through the darkest of times. I am still living with them and think that they are a family of angels, beyond special. They never had a chance to meet Daniel in person and this poem was written for him by Helé...my beautiful youngest sister.

For the one I never got to meet :

When you left me – my heart lay awaken by unsaid things

I want to tell you that I’ll miss you

I want to tell you how much I care

I want to hold you in my arms

Feel you near

I want to tell you how much I’ll miss your smile

The way you make me feel

They way you lifted up a room

By just being you

I want to show the world just how much I care

I want you to know I’ll always be there

Even if you are not here any more

I will always love you even more

Grains Of Sand

Tomorrow will be 4 months since Daniel died but it feels like a life time, a life time of intense pain, sorrow, longing, confusion and agony. I love Daniel and miss my child more than words can say.

I wonder

.....how many tears I have cried. Would it be filling a bucket? Like the one we used to build sand castles or are my tears as many as all the drops in the ocean

.....about the day when I have no more pictures left of Daniel to post on this blog. How sad I will be?

.....how I will get over the mountain that Mother's Day has become and if it is in any way possible to just skip the day. Friday, Saturday, Monday, Tuesday?

Luke's Army

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

- William Blake -

I dedicate these true words to my crystal angel child Daniel and to sweet little Luke Borusiewicz (22/09/2006 - 18/01/2009).

Please join Luke's Army - his story made me feel humble and thankful for the wonderful quality of the time I had with my son. No one is perfect and no one is a perfect parent. I have been emailing Michael, Lukey's dad and I have experienced him as a true person, a great father and someone who needs all the love and support that he can get and that he deserves.

Their story is too sad for me to tell and I thank Michael for the detailed comment to this post describing the horrific circumstances surrounding little Lukey's death.