These photos were taken a year ago on Christmas morning. We loved how Daniel had grown and developed from the year before. It was pure pleasure to share in his belief, anticipation and joy.
(It is pure hell to know that he died only 12 days after this perfect morning)
It doesn’t work for us (Henry, Alecia and I) to try and do things in the way we did when we had Daniel, but now without him. It just creates a painful awareness of our loss. We find it easiest when life happens differently and in new environments. So Henry and Alecia spent Christmas with their father and his family and I went to visit a friend in Austria where I attended the Christmas Mass in a beautiful cathedral in Vienna. Tears were streaming down my face, like rivers of sorrow and I was touched by the kindness of a stranger, who reached out and held my hand throughout the service.
I bought the most beautiful Christmas decorations I could get to send to Daniel’s grave. Crystal stars and silver bells with little soldiers to stand guard. I believed the gesture to be minute and meaningless in comparison to the reality but I did it nevertheless.
I didn’t send any Happy Christmas sms messages to my friends – I really didn’t know what to say. For the same token I know many friends didn’t know what to say to me which is really okay, I understand the dilemma but I was touched by everyone who still included me as a “normal” person on their sms list. My heart was warmed by your messages.
The 3 penguins was part of a Christmas display outside a shop in Vienna. It was possible for me to buy them and I like to think that it came from Daniel to Henry, Alecia and to his Mama.
9
comments:
Deb
said...
Thanks for sharing such precious memories. I have found it easier to make "new memories" for holidays, anniversarys etc. It is just too hard to do the same thing with a piece missing. I am glad you had the support of a stranger during your sad time at the cathedral. It sounds very beautiful. Thinking of you xxxx Deb
aaaw sweetie...i so feel your pain...it is very difficult over the holidays when family meetings take place and you see other little ones...i am sending you love and strength...
A very difficult time for all of us who has lost a loved one in 2009. Christmas without our beautiful Jason, will never be the same again. What a wonderful idea spending yours in a totally different place. I think of you a lot, Alison and I send you love and strength for the next month. love Carrie x
Hugs Alison. I finished your drawing last night. It is a friendship present as I gave no christmas presents. I will never eat easter eggs again, if Luke can't. It took me a long time to do your drawing because like my music. My drawings come from the heart. I had to wait til I felt like resuming my work on it. It is one of the most difficult ... See Moredrawing projects I have undertaken, therefore it is not as perfect as I would hope. I have much to learn. I hope you like it anyway my friend. I thought of you a lot over christmas. I know what you are going through. You know that. Sorry for my craziness, you know how hard it is to try to carry on normally. I feel your pain Ally, let's hope Daniel and Luke don't feel our pain. I prayed that Luke would rest until jesus returns for him. He is sleeping and i have settled some. So good you got away to somewhere nice for Christmas. I will try to get a photo up of the drawing so you can let me know if you like it. If you want it give me your address so I can send it to you. It is a drawing of an angel and a little boy sitting on the roof of a church. I do love you my friend. I am sorry I am such a mess. So good having you to talk to. Michelle is good to talk to as well if you need someone who is in our club, the club you would not wish anyone to john. Thinking of you, michael.
Best of wishes for a better year to you and your family. You really have touched so many people. So many people know who Daniel was and is. I see water and think of Daniel and have seen other blogs with similar events. Water safety does stick in peoples minds that read your blog. It could happen to anyone. I have left my children playing in the lake when they were young and just never thought about the danger. I always thought water is fun, but it can be dangerous. Your message is being heard. I hope you and your family heal.
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” Christopher Robin to Pooh
Our Story
Daniel. He died on 6 January 2009, two months before his 4th birthday. We love him forever and we will keep him in our hearts and in our souls, until we meet again.
Henry and Alecia. Daniel's brother and sister. They adored their baby brother and loved him most of all. Losing Daniel wounded their souls and broke their hearts.
I am Alison, their mom. I dedicate this blog to my children - as a token of my love, to remember our Piki and to share the story of our journey after losing him. Namaste.
The images below are all visual reflections of Daniel's unique spirit and energy. He is a crystal child, in touch with nature and with his own spirit.
Forever In Our Hearts
"We understand each other other in a way we wish we didn't" Each of the links below belongs to a parent who has also lost a child. All of them are special to me, in some specific way.
Daniel absolutely loved to play on and was completely attached to his computer. These were his most favourite online games - tried, tested and approved.
Daniel was visiting his father when he lost his life. The swimming pool at their house is open, without a fence, safety net or alarm and Daniel was left unsupervised with free access to the water. His father wasn't home when one of the other children discovered that Daniel was floating in the pool. I will never know if Daniel died in the water, while he waited for his dad to get back to the house or maybe in the car on the way to the hospital where he was declared dead on arrival. The cause of his death was confirmed as drowning.
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9 comments:
Thanks for sharing such precious memories. I have found it easier to make "new memories" for holidays, anniversarys etc. It is just too hard to do the same thing with a piece missing. I am glad you had the support of a stranger during your sad time at the cathedral. It sounds very beautiful. Thinking of you xxxx Deb
"Touching, and he was just a little baby boy still in the photos. (nappy and all) Alison, BIG love to you my friend. x"
Dear Alison, You are in our prayers. May God help you through this very difficult time. xxxx
aaaw sweetie...i so feel your pain...it is very difficult over the holidays when family meetings take place and you see other little ones...i am sending you love and strength...
Very sweet memories Alison...I know this is the most difficult time for you. Keep doing what brings you strength♥
A very difficult time for all of us who has lost a loved one in 2009. Christmas without our beautiful Jason, will never be the same again. What a wonderful idea spending yours in a totally different place. I think of you a lot, Alison and I send you love and strength for the next month.
love Carrie x
Hugs Alison. I finished your drawing last night. It is a friendship present as I gave no christmas presents. I will never eat easter eggs again, if Luke can't. It took me a long time to do your drawing because like my music. My drawings come from the heart. I had to wait til I felt like resuming my work on it. It is one of the most difficult ... See Moredrawing projects I have undertaken, therefore it is not as perfect as I would hope. I have much to learn. I hope you like it anyway my friend. I thought of you a lot over christmas. I know what you are going through. You know that. Sorry for my craziness, you know how hard it is to try to carry on normally. I feel your pain Ally, let's hope Daniel and Luke don't feel our pain. I prayed that Luke would rest until jesus returns for him. He is sleeping and i have settled some. So good you got away to somewhere nice for Christmas. I will try to get a photo up of the drawing so you can let me know if you like it. If you want it give me your address so I can send it to you. It is a drawing of an angel and a little boy sitting on the roof of a church. I do love you my friend. I am sorry I am such a mess. So good having you to talk to. Michelle is good to talk to as well if you need someone who is in our club, the club you would not wish anyone to john. Thinking of you, michael.
Dit klink so "heeltemal te min", maar ek dink aan jou - sterkte vir elke dag!
Best of wishes for a better year to you and your family. You really have touched so many people. So many people know who Daniel was and is. I see water and think of Daniel and have seen other blogs with similar events. Water safety does stick in peoples minds that read your blog. It could happen to anyone. I have left my children playing in the lake when they were young and just never thought about the danger. I always thought water is fun, but it can be dangerous. Your message is being heard. I hope you and your family heal.
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