Christmas

  
 
  • These photos were taken a year ago on Christmas morning. We loved how Daniel had grown and developed from the year before. It was pure pleasure to share in his belief, anticipation and joy.
    (It is pure hell to know that he died only 12 days after this perfect morning)
  •  It doesn’t work for us (Henry, Alecia and I) to try and do things in the way we did when we had Daniel, but now without him. It just creates a painful awareness of our loss. We find it easiest when life happens differently and in new environments. So Henry and Alecia spent Christmas with their father and his family and I went to visit a friend in Austria where I attended the Christmas Mass in a beautiful cathedral in Vienna. Tears were streaming down my face, like rivers of sorrow and I was touched by the kindness of a stranger, who reached out and held my hand throughout the service.
  • I bought the most beautiful Christmas decorations I could get to send to Daniel’s grave. Crystal stars and silver bells with little soldiers to stand guard. I believed the gesture to be minute and meaningless in comparison to the reality but I did it nevertheless.
  • I didn’t send any Happy Christmas sms messages to my friends – I really didn’t know what to say. For the same token I know many friends didn’t know what to say to me which is really okay, I understand the dilemma but I was touched by everyone who still included me as a “normal” person on their sms list. My heart was warmed by your messages.
  • The 3 penguins was part of a Christmas display outside a shop in Vienna. It was possible for me to buy them and I like to think that it came from Daniel to Henry, Alecia and to his Mama.

9 comments:

Deb said...

Thanks for sharing such precious memories. I have found it easier to make "new memories" for holidays, anniversarys etc. It is just too hard to do the same thing with a piece missing. I am glad you had the support of a stranger during your sad time at the cathedral. It sounds very beautiful. Thinking of you xxxx Deb

Belinda said...

"Touching, and he was just a little baby boy still in the photos. (nappy and all) Alison, BIG love to you my friend. x"

Zelda said...

Dear Alison, You are in our prayers. May God help you through this very difficult time. xxxx

Liezel said...

aaaw sweetie...i so feel your pain...it is very difficult over the holidays when family meetings take place and you see other little ones...i am sending you love and strength...

Denise said...

Very sweet memories Alison...I know this is the most difficult time for you. Keep doing what brings you strength♥

Carrie said...

A very difficult time for all of us who has lost a loved one in 2009. Christmas without our beautiful Jason, will never be the same again. What a wonderful idea spending yours in a totally different place. I think of you a lot, Alison and I send you love and strength for the next month.
love Carrie x

Luke's Dad said...

Hugs Alison. I finished your drawing last night. It is a friendship present as I gave no christmas presents. I will never eat easter eggs again, if Luke can't. It took me a long time to do your drawing because like my music. My drawings come from the heart. I had to wait til I felt like resuming my work on it. It is one of the most difficult ... See Moredrawing projects I have undertaken, therefore it is not as perfect as I would hope. I have much to learn. I hope you like it anyway my friend. I thought of you a lot over christmas. I know what you are going through. You know that. Sorry for my craziness, you know how hard it is to try to carry on normally. I feel your pain Ally, let's hope Daniel and Luke don't feel our pain. I prayed that Luke would rest until jesus returns for him. He is sleeping and i have settled some. So good you got away to somewhere nice for Christmas. I will try to get a photo up of the drawing so you can let me know if you like it. If you want it give me your address so I can send it to you. It is a drawing of an angel and a little boy sitting on the roof of a church. I do love you my friend. I am sorry I am such a mess. So good having you to talk to. Michelle is good to talk to as well if you need someone who is in our club, the club you would not wish anyone to john. Thinking of you, michael.

Hannli said...

Dit klink so "heeltemal te min", maar ek dink aan jou - sterkte vir elke dag!

Pokagon Band of Potawatomi Member said...

Best of wishes for a better year to you and your family. You really have touched so many people. So many people know who Daniel was and is. I see water and think of Daniel and have seen other blogs with similar events. Water safety does stick in peoples minds that read your blog. It could happen to anyone. I have left my children playing in the lake when they were young and just never thought about the danger. I always thought water is fun, but it can be dangerous. Your message is being heard. I hope you and your family heal.