All Around Us

When I started this blog, I found writing or talking about my pain therapeutic. And I could cry. Now I find my pain so intense and complex that it just unsettles me to talk or even think about it. When I cry it happens without tears or sobs, it feels as how if my body has stopped reacting to the pain in my soul, it is a pain of longing and despair, of how it feels to have lost Daniel.

This photo was taken on 25 December 2005 - my first Christmas day with Daniel, now I am facing my first Christmas day without him.

My wish is to spend the day with purpose and in peace - I have never been attracted to any mainstream Christmas celebrations and after the death of my child my perspective on what I believe is real and important is even more clear.

Namaste. Let love be all around us.

Dear David
Bozho Nikan
Thank you for healing me
I greet you in peace


Belinda said...

Life is a journey, unfortunately sometimes it is a really painful, and emotional one. When I think of yours, and my dear friend Carrie`s I also want to die inside, and cannot even imagine it. But, Alison, I pray that you will not feel it so intensely, and that you would somehow just cope from day to day. I pray for lots of warmth and lots of love to go your way. I have just said a special prayer for you right now. x

Lize said...

My girl, i send you all my love , you are in my prayers, always

Andrea said...

Praying for you. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this awful is not easy and at most momemts it's beyond hard! I hope some how and in some way your sweet Daniel will make his presence known to you and you will feel him "all around" you. Especially this time of year. I'm not sure what you believe but I do know that Jesus Christ has made it possible for you to have your Daniel again. That this life has purpose and meaning. I know right now that probably doesn't make sense with the grief you are experiencing but there is a plan. I'm so sorry you have had to go through one of the hardest things on this earth. It truly is not fair and very difficult. Sending my love and a hug your way.

Luke's Dad said...

I know exactly how you feel Alison. The grief we feel at the loss of our children is like an ocean we have to swim. Our journey starts from the deepests depths, not the water's edge. I wish there was something I could do or say for both of us and our children. I am so lost also. I could feel Luke's spirit with me all the time but I know his soul ... See Moreneeds to rest and wait for God, for our children were totally honest and innocent, you can be assured they have a place in God's book of salvation. My faith has got me through this. Believe in God and be thankful that although Daniel's time here in the flesh was short, his soul will be eternally in a place where we cannot conceive the joy existing there. I an so sorry this tragedy fell upon you and Daniel. You are a beautiful person Alison. Daniel knows that and if is watching you and waiting for you.

Anee said...

Ai Ali nou wat nou??? strongs girl as jy die paar maande kon oorleef kan jy mos dan die ander ook man!!

Ina said...

Dink baie aan jou, spesiaal hierdie tyd van die jaar.

Denise said...

I just can't stop the tears knowing December is a day away. My heart is also breaking with you :(

Linda said...

Thinking about you, Alison. Intense and complex, yes, it is. How can we ever really describe these broken hearts? We don't have to.

Lauren said...


From one heartbroken mother to another - I understand what you describe here. I lost Ryan only 3 days before Christmas in 2007, with presents waiting under the tree for him. It is a very trying time this time of year and unfortunately, it does not seem to improve. Please be kind to yourself and lean on those close to you. You are in my thoughts xo

Anonymous said...

I hope that you have lots of love and comfort all around you from now and till evermore.