To keep on living after I have lost Daniel will never be easy. His death has left me with so many challenges (other than my sorrow and longing),difficulties that I have to deal with every day, soul torturing events that I must somehow survive, impossible hurdles that I need to clear on my journey towards some kind of renewed peace and healing.

One of these barriers blocking my way is forgiveness. I really want to forgive Daniel's father and stepmother and I have no doubt about whether I should do it or not but in the words of Rev Julie Nicholson whose daughter was killed in the 2005 London bombings, it will not be easy. She said that forgiving another human being for violating your child was almost beyond human capabilities. I know.

But I also know that to forgive the unforgivable is not impossible: The Forgiveness Project / The Catherine Blunt Foundation.

It is a just a process.

What I have learned this far:

Forgiveness is not a weakness

Forgiveness does not cause a loss of identity
Forgiveness does not entail a loss of specialness
Forgiveness does not mean the pain has gone away.
Forgiveness does not mean a loss of face

Forgiveness is not condoning or absolving the wrong behavior
Forgiveness is not forgetting
Forgiveness is not denial, pretending it didn't happen
Forgiveness is not a thing we just do by a brutal act of the will

Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation.
Forgiveness does not release the offenders from obligations they may or may not recognize

Forgiveness does not exempt the injurer from the demands of justice.