To Be Free

In the two years since I have lost Daniel, I have experienced how good our human nature can be. So many people have opened their hearts to my pain to give love, kindness, compassion and support without hoping or wanting to get anything in return.

I also saw the bad side of human nature, how cruel and malicious people can be. In my case they were only a handful but their actions were deliberately hurtful and destructive.It is this unjustified antagonism that caused me to become more and more reluctant to post anything personal.

I worried about how vulnerable it might make me if I should continue to tell my story. When I started this blog I had so little left to lose that it really didn’t matter. It is different now - through the nothingness, precious bits of new happiness and renewed prosperity have emerged. I have a life again.

But I decided that I won’t give up this blog which means so much to me because I fear what people may do to me. I will write…

… a few short posts about the hurtful things that happened just after Daniel had died. I believe that sharing these truths will help to free me from my fear.

… about all the good things that happened since my last update; the sweet miracles and really more happiness than I ever thought possible.

… about Daniel and my endless love for him. Always, because this is what it is all about. My love.

(I don’t know if I will ever be able to write about finding answers to the questions or about justice being served to the person responsible for Daniel’s death, but for now there is still hope, still a chance. Which is good.)


Groves said...

Whatever you decide to do - whatever is best for YOU - I have been touched forever by you and by Daniel, your priceless son.

It makes me very angry to think that somewhere out there are people who have been cruel or attacking to you in the midst of so much pain. Even knowing that it has been only a few does not make it much better; how can they justify treating you that way??

All I know is, Daniel reaches my heart and you do, too. I feel that you have great worth in this world, that your lives matter. I am so glad that you decided to write about your child so that he can be known.

Daniel, I can't help writing to you, too. This world is missing you - you cannot be replaced. You are really, really *missed,* even by people on the other side of the globe who never got to see your wonderful smile or your bright eyes.

Know that if you ever want to write, there will always be readers glad to hear more about Daniel. It never gets old hearing about him.

With love from here,

Cathy in Missouri

Kat said...

There is always hope Alison, we are here to help you find them even from across the ponds. All our love kat and Andrew xxxxx

Alice said...

‎"A butterfly came floating by and I thought I knew its face. It landed on my shoulder and spread its wings of lace. I looked and saw it smiling and as it winked and flew away, I'm sure I heard it whisper we WILL meet again one day." Unknown

Hello Alison I just read this and thought it was beautiful so I decided to send it to you...hope you like it...your friend Alice xoxo

Derek said...

alison. please contact me when you get a chance. I cant seem to post.

On July 13, 2007 our 4 year old son Christian passed away from Drowning at a local town run camp. We have started a Non-Profit organization to provide life jackets to all children at all camps, lakes, beaches and town run pools across the state of Massachusetts (Currently not required or wanted).
Our son Christian, drowned in our town run camp. He was there for 2 hours on his first day and the 5 staff members and lifeguards didn’t see him. We are in the process here of changing laws and have started a Non-Profit to change some of this law and provide USCG Approved Life Jackets to all lakes and ponds and possibly beaches where kids can get a free loaner jacket. We set it up this way so all children will be safe even if they cant afford to buy one.
Christian was a child that every parent would want. He was loving, caring, and always happy. Unfortunatly we lost him July 13th,2007 to an unforgivable mistake made by lifeguards and staff at the local run day camp. He was there for 2 hours on his first day. While nobody was watching him, he drowned. There is not a day that goes by that I dont cry for him at least once. god I miss him. How could anyone take him from me, he was my best friend and son.

Christian was born on October 17th 2002. We couldnt have been happier. That gave us 2 boys in 14 months that could grow up together and be best friends. They were best friends and his brother Cameron was there the day that he died. Cameron still talks about him daily and tries to make us happy by saying things like he is sitting next to you or I just saw his angel. It is so hard watching cameron without christian, he looks so alone.

This really is the hardest thing to write. He is gone forever and we cant accept that. Why did we trust others? Why did we take him there? What if we took him there even a minute later, would he still be here. There are so many whys and still no answers. How can we ever forgive ourselves? We trusted and it made our son gone. How can we trust again?

CEF foundation includes 2 separate entities. First CEF Foundation is working to pass Christian's Law, see other page, as well as donate USCG Approved Life jackets to any child that requires one. Everything CEF Foundation does is to promote and provide safety to children that are anywhere near water.

With the backing of Kids Don't Float, a part of Safekids USA, we are collecting numerous lifejackets to provide to town and city run camps once Christian's law is passed.

A good friend said...

My dear friend,

I am so glad when I read your entry "to be free" - since I became the impression: wow, a new chapter has been opened by Ally.

The loss of a child is a trauma, nothing less! It can occupy your whole life - in a negative, fully destructive way whereas your friends, your family, your peers... are really challenged - and have an ideal opportunity to fail (they might be get fed of supported you, sharing your pain....).

The crucial question is: can you develop something constructive, can you let a positive mood, a positive attitude in your inner life? Are you willing, are you prepared to open your heart, all your fibres?

I hope and I can only encourage you to follow that road which you have described here in some vague, in some more precise aspects.

All luck and inspiration for your further journey
A good friend